A Fashion Rainbow 🌈: Black Women Are Soft, too , is my first blog debut dedicated to black women, and the little girl in me who saw softness as something very delightful to partake in, yet so far from reach, due to a number of reasons.
During my growing years, like many other young girls and women, I watched my mother be a very strong and dedicated strong woman. Although she was very loving, gentle, protective, giving, and caring, circumstances did not allow space for her to experience softness and ease. She gave all of her in order to ensure that we, her children, had whatever we needed to live a better life. With this came a lot of exhaustion on her part which was heartbreaking.
As a young black girl, I went to boarding schools from the age of 9 to adulthood, and this called for toughness and a constant high pace to keep up. Part of this was healthy and molded me into the disciplined, committed and hard working woman that I am today, but it also depreciated the ease, softness and gentleness that every girl has inborn in them. There was no room to gently learn from mistakes, and Most of the time it was survival for the fittest and only the loudest could be heard.
My mother always expressed her desire for ease and made it very clear that her dream was to make sure that her children always had a life of ease and better than her own childhood. If it was up to me to say, I would say that her dream came true because we always felt loved, seen and heard in her presence. I dream of the day my mother will fully embrace ease, peace and nothing but the best in her life.
When I became a mother, I knew without doubt that I needed to heal my relationship with ease and the constant shame I felt any time I embraced softness.
I wanted to be a gentle mother who was soft spoken, patient, feminine and created room for our children to navigate life in a healthy way without fear of punishments for any shortcoming.
This has been a long journey and its still evolving. I am very appreciative of my loving family and friends who are also on a path of embracing kindness.
Here are some of the questions I ask myself in order to counter the shaming negative thoughts when it comes to embracing softness, feminine/elegant personal style or being soft spoken in general.
1. Personal Style: Why do I feel like getting well dressed is reserved for a particular group of people and not me?
.Whose idea is it that wearing a dress is simply doing too much or attention seeking?
. Do I love how the garment fits? How does it make me feel? Is it my style or do I want it because someone else looks good in it?
. How does getting dressed make me feel esteem wise?
2. Being Soft, Feminine and Gentle.
. Why am I ashamed of embracing softness and ease?
.Where did I learn that being feminine is reserved for a specific group of people and not me?
.Why does a part of me frown at the very idea of gentleness and instantly praise toughness and struggle?
. What ways can I create gentleness and ease in my life, family and community using what I already have?
. What kind of garments, fabrics and style make me feel feminine, elegant and happy?
3. Gentleness as a mother and being soft spoken.
. Why does this(...) trigger me?
. Is the child's mistake really that bad that they can't gently learn to do better without a tremendous amount of yelling?
.How can I create a healthy happy space for my children to learn, navigate life and be?
.Could kindness serve a better purpose today?
. Does my child feel seen, heard and included?
.How would the little me feel in this situation if table were turned?
Set daily intentions on who you want to be and how you want to run your day and interactions. Speak softly and extend grace in all that you do!
A fashion rainbow; Black women are soft, too,
We embrace grace, and extend grace where its needed,
We radiate an aura of love, peace, poise and elegance.
We are feminine, beautiful, loving and caring.
And today, we create and extend space to be,
To be soft, happy, loved, appreciated, seen and heard.
With love, Lukela🖤
You can shop this vintage Pastel Lucie Ann dress here
2 comments
@Essie. I’m so glad that this post motivates you to step into your gentleness and grace. May your days be full of growth, grace, glow and goodness . With Love, Lukela🖤
This motivates me, its not easy to be gentle but it actually enlightens to consider each situation with the “what if i was in their shoes”, perspective. Am gonna start with being gentle with how i view and talk about myself. 😍